Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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