I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
