My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
