I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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