I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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