i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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