my phone needs a breathalizer
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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