Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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