Your tits are I can't wait for
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
