there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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