I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
