So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
