Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
