I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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