left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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