now i know why i became what i already was.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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