if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Randomize
