Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize