youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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