maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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