White coat. Heels.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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