I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
