oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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