You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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