pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Send help, water and tortillas.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
