i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
