so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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