I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
