She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
