So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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