there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
