don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
