too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
