not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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