So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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