apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize