what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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