you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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