whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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