it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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