She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
