This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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