guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
