I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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