whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
