He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
