So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
