Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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