Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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