Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
