did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
