just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
