i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
