Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
