dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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