He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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