Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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