I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
