working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
