I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
