take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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