yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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