Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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