I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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