If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
