remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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