I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
