i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize