I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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