He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
