Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
