I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize