Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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