i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
