I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
