i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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