i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
