Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
