is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
