I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
