Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We talked him into tasing himself.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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